Confidently Writing

What’s on my mind today?

Writing has been on my mind a lot. I just wrote a blog about Love Fest & struggled so much w/ it. When I first started writing it, it was pretty easy. I just wrote about how I experienced it & told it how I would tell you if I was telling you in person. But at some point I started thinking about what others wanted to hear, did they want reviews of the bands? Did they want me to keep my personal feelings & experiences out of it? So I started changing it all & trying to review bands, something I’m not particularly comfortable with.

It’s not that I am afraid to judge or give my opinion. I had no problem expressing my opinion that the recent Toro y Moi show at Slowdown was bullshit. They played for a half hour & in my opinion that’s just ridiculous. ½ hour shows are for local bands that only have so much material, or for opening bands. But Toro y Moi has 2 albums & several EP’s worth of music. I found that it’s taboo to say anything against anyone, any band or establishment in the indie music scene. At least that’s the vibe I got. But that’s not why I don’t like to review bands. I just have a hard time defining & describing bands. I just know if I like it or not. There’s usually so much more to my evening or event than just the music. And flipped, other people’s reviews or opinions do nothing for me. I have to hear it for myself.

It doesn’t mean I won’t ever review a band. If I feel it, I will. If not, I won’t. And maybe I will become more comfortable with it over time. But after I read it back w/ the reviews, it just didn’t sound like me, so after much back & forth, I finally deleted all of it & went back to what felt comfortable. What's the point of writing if I'm not writing what I truly feel? So then I finally post it & wait & wonder? Is anybody even reading it? Do they like it? Does it even matter?

Finally I started getting some feedback. Someone said they were "impressed with my ability to just say what is on mind, about my challenges w/ school, figuring out what I want to do & expressing my feelings about my Mom, because most people just sweep their feelings under the rug." Thank you MB! Another friend said they were "so happy that I was writing again". Thanks CG! I got a “great blog!” & an “I love your blog!” as well. I’m not trying to toot my own horn, but all of those comments along w/ some other complimentary feedback that day, have made me feel better & more confident about who I am & what I have to say. It has also given me a new appreciation for encouraging others when they express themselves & my reaction or non reaction to it.

My plan is to write more often so that I become more comfortable with it. I hope to improve my skills or just the ability to express myself better. In doing so, I’m hoping to gain some confidence, learn & grow from this experience.

Peace, Love & Confidence!